What do I do after I decide behavioral euthanasia is the right decision for my dog?

Dec 2

Making the decision to behaviorally euthanize your dog is not easy.

You might be feeling a lot of different emotions right now such as sadness, guilt, fear, loneliness, and grief. These are all normal to experience and there’s no one right way to feel during this process.

Now that you’ve made the decision, the next steps involve opening up conversation with your dog’s care team regarding it.

Now I know it can be really scary to take that first step of talking to your dog’s care team about it or even scheduling the appointment. While I’m not there with you physically, let me guide you through the steps to take so that you can feel supported and less alone during this process.

Step 1: Open up the conversation with your dog’s behavior professional.

If you have been working with a behavior professional such as a certified dog trainer or behavior consultant, and/or a veterinary behaviorist, it’s important to include them in this process. They are there to provide you support, help you evaluate the situation further if needed, validate your decision, and act as a sounding board as you prepare for what’s ahead.

Let’s talk about some ways you can start the conversation with them.

First, let me say you can initiate this conversation through email if you find it easier to write out your thoughts and allow your behavior professional to take the lead from there.

Here are some sample scripts you can use. Feel free to copy and paste them in your email.

To discuss your decision, ask for guidance, and explore next steps:

“I’ve been giving a lot of thought to [dog’s name] and their behavioral challenges. After careful consideration, I’ve decided that behavioral euthanasia is the most compassionate option for them. I’d like to talk with you about how to move forward with this decision. If there’s any guidance or steps you think I should take to prepare for this process, I’d greatly appreciate your insight."

If you need specific help preparing for a vet conversation:

“Do you have suggestions for how to explain [dog’s name]’s behavior and quality of life challenges to my vet? I want to ensure I clearly communicate why this decision is necessary."

If you need emotional support:

“This has been such a difficult decision, and I value the support you’ve given me and [dog’s name] throughout our work together. I just want to say thank you for helping us along the way."

Your behavior professional may help you prepare information to share with your veterinarian, such as behavior history, safety concerns, and interventions you’ve tried. They might also recommend other resources to support you during this time. If you find that they are unsupportive in your decision that is on them and not on you.

Step 2: Contact your veterinarian about behavioral euthanasia.

This might be the hardest step out of all of them. Or at least for me it was. I worked at a vet clinic and I adopted Gus from a client at that vet clinic. It felt too painful to have him euthanized at a place that brought him so much fear.

I asked my sister in law if she could call the vet clinic she previously worked at to set up the appointment because I truly couldn’t speak the words without falling apart and bursting into tears.

While it can feel very intimidating, nerve-wracking, and downright terrifying, it is a vital part of the process.

You have a few options here though.

You can email your vet
You can call your vet
You can ask a friend, partner, or family member to call for you.

Here are some sample scripts you can use when communicating with your vet.

Initial outreach:

“I’ve made the decision to pursue behavioral euthanasia for my dog due to their severe behavioral challenges. I’d like to discuss how to move forward and ensure this process is peaceful for them.”

“Hi, this is [your name], and I’d like to schedule an appointment to discuss a difficult decision I’ve made regarding my dog, [dog’s name]. After careful thought, I’ve decided to pursue behavioral euthanasia due to severe challenges with [specific issues, e.g., aggression, anxiety, quality of life]. I’d like to work with you to ensure this process is as peaceful as possible for [dog’s name]."

During the conversation:

“I’ve tried [interventions like training, medication, management], but their behavior has not improved and continues to put [family members, other pets, themselves] at risk. This decision wasn’t made lightly, but I feel it’s the kindest option given their struggles. Can you walk me through how this process would look at your clinic?"

If your vet is unfamiliar with behavioral euthanasia or hesitant to assist, consider asking for a referral to a vet experienced in end-of-life care or reaching out to an in-home euthanasia service. Compassionate services like Lap of Love can provide additional options.

You can say:

“I understand this may not be something you encounter often. I’d be happy to provide more details about [dog’s name]’s behavior or connect with a veterinarian who specializes in end-of-life care for cases like this. Are you able to refer me to someone if needed?"

Additional Questions You Might Ask

Do you offer sedation before euthanasia, and can this be tailored to their behavior needs?
Are there in-home euthanasia options you recommend?
What should I expect during the procedure?
What happens to my pet after the procedure, and do you offer cremation or burial services?

And before reaching out to your vet, make sure to have these details ready just in case:

A summary of your dog’s behavior challenges. Focus on how their struggles impact their quality of life and safety.
Your decision-making process. Share the factors that led you to this choice, such as risk to others, management limits, or lack of improvement despite training or medication.
Your specific questions. Ask about euthanasia options, sedation, and how to minimize stress for your dog.

Step 3: The Euthanasia

Knowing what to expect can help you feel more prepared during this emotional and overwhelming time.

Before the Appointment

Decide on the location. Consider whether you want the procedure at the vet’s office or at your home. In-home euthanasia can reduce stress for behaviorally sensitive dogs however, if your dog struggles with having strangers in the home it might be easier (and safer) to do it at the vet office.
Discuss sedation options. Ask your vet if they can provide medication before the euthanasia to help your dog relax. Honestly, the more meds the better. Gus was on 3x his normal dose and everything went smoothly thanks to that.
Prepare the environment. If you choose in-home euthanasia, create a quiet, comfortable space in your home with items your dog loves. If you choose to do it at the vet you can still bring some of your dog’s comfort items. If your dog is a bite risk be sure to have a muzzle on hand and ready to go. And go ahead and grab some of your dog's favorite snacks.
Setup afterlife care. There are multiple options available for afterlife care. You can opt for a group cremation where you do not receive your dog’s remains. Or you can choose a private cremation where you do get your dog’s ashes back. Check with your veterinarian to see what companies they work with or recommend. Most companies have multiple options for urns and keepsakes that you can choose from based on your budget and your wants.

The Day Of

On the scheduled day you will follow the instructions from your vet for giving the premeds. Ensure that these medications have enough time to take effect.

I also recommend doing something special with your dog before their appointment. For Gus we took him to the trails where we spent a lot of our time together to have one last walk in the spot that built our bond.

You can get your dog a burger from a fast food restaurant or even just sit outside with them.

Once it is time most vets administer an injectable sedative prior to the euthanasia injection to sedate them.. Then they will place an IV catheter in one of your dog’s limbs. This is where the solution will be injected. After the sedation and catheter are placed you will be given as much time as you need with your dog to say goodbye before they inject the medication.

Once you are ready, the vet will then give an injection of medication into the IV catheter. This medication is typically pink in color and is an overdose of an anesthetic, which allows your dog to pass peacefully. This process is painless and quick. Your dog may twitch during this process or during the moments after. This is normal and does not indicate that they are in pain.

It’s up to you whether to stay with your dog during the procedure. Being there can provide comfort for both of you and I highly recommend staying with them so that they can pass with the person who they know the best.

Also know it’s okay to step away if it’s too overwhelming. Even if that means just taking a few minutes outside before the injection is done.

Step 4: Finding Resources for Post-Behavioral Euthanasia

The emotions and grief after behavioral euthanasia can be complex. Sadness, guilt, and even relief are common emotions, and it’s crucial to seek support during this time.

When it comes to grieving and processing the loss it’s vital to acknowledge your feelings. All emotions—sadness, guilt, relief—are valid. The pain I felt after Gus was no longer here is one I have never felt before. There were these difficult feelings of wishing he were still there and being relieved he no longer was. I wanted a version of him that was safe to be around and the grief from that piles onto it all.

For support afert I recommend groups like Losing Lulu that provide a safe space to connect with others who have faced similar decisions. I felt so alone with this because no one I knew had gone through behavioral euthanasia so they didn’t understand the pain that came along with it. The Losing Lulu facebook group was incredibly helpful for me in those first few months.

You can also find a pet loss counselor or therapist to help you work through the emotional weight of this experience. Lap of Love and Losing Lulu have lists of resources that you may find helpful.

It can also be help to honor your dog’s memory.

After saying goodbye to Gus I kept his collar which I keep hung up right next to my desk. His urn lives on our fireplace so he can hangout with us. I also got a digital pet portrait made and my husband got me a watercolor portrait of him. And I honor his memory in the work I do with other dogs similar to him.

Here are some ideas of ways you can honor your dog’s memory.

Create a memorial, like a photo album, an altar, or a scrapbook.
Write a letter to your dog expressing your love and the reasons behind your decision.
Dedicate a physical space, such as a garden or a keepsake, in their honor.
If your artistic, draw or paint a portrait of your dog.
Whatever feels good to you.

Before you go, I want to share some ways you can tell others about your decision to behaviorally euthanize your dog. This isn’t an easy conversation to have so please do it at your own time when you are ready.

For someone unfamiliar with behavioral euthanasia:

“This is incredibly hard to say, but I made the decision to behaviorally euthanize my dog. Their struggles had become overwhelming, and despite how much I love them, I couldn’t give them the peace and safety they needed. Please know this decision was made with their best interest at heart, and I’ll always cherish the love they brought into our lives.”

“ want to share something difficult I’ve decided about my dog. After a lot of thought and consultation, I’ve decided to behaviorally euthanize them. This wasn’t an easy decision, but [dog’s name] has been struggling with [behavior issue] to a degree that affects their safety and quality of life. I feel this is the most compassionate choice for them. I hope you can understand how much I’ve thought about this and how hard it’s been."

For someone who may criticize or question the decision:

“I know this might be hard to understand, but I want you to know that this decision wasn’t made lightly. I’ve consulted with professionals, explored different options, and ultimately decided this is the kindest and safest choice for everyone. I’d appreciate your support during this difficult time, even if you don’t fully agree."

“I want to let you know that I made the decision to behaviorally euthanize my dog. This decision came after months (or years) of effort, support from professionals, and deep reflection. It wasn’t made lightly, and it comes from a place of love and care for them. I’m not looking for advice or opinions on this choice but hope you can understand and respect it.”

For someone supportive but unsure how to help:

“This has been such a difficult decision, and I could really use your support. Whether it’s just listening, helping me prepare for the day, or checking in afterward, it means a lot to have someone who understands how much I love my dog."

“Thank you for understanding. This has been one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and having your support means so much to me.”

To children in the home:

(Adjust based on age and understanding)

“Sometimes, animals can have problems that make it really hard for them to be happy or safe. Our dog has been struggling in ways we can’t fix, and the kindest thing we can do is help them go peacefully so they’re no longer afraid or upset.”

“I want to talk about something important regarding our dog. They’ve been having a very hard time and aren’t able to feel happy or safe anymore. To help them, we’re going to let them go peacefully. This means they won’t be in pain or scared anymore. It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to ask me any questions you have about this."

When sharing this news, you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation or defense of your choice. You can even simply say that you’re dog was really sick and it’s not something you are ready to talk about.

Remember, making the decision to behaviorally euthanize your dog is one of the hardest choices you’ve probably ever made.

As you move forward, know that you are not alone. There are communities, professionals, and resources available to help you process this loss, honor your dog’s memory, and heal at your own pace. Take it one step at a time, and extend compassion to yourself—you gave your dog peace that they truly deserve.

xoxo,

Emily Fitzpatrick, VSA-CDT & FFCP