How to Help Your Anxious or Reactive Dog: Dos and Don’ts for Big Feelings Dogs
In our last post, we explored what it means when a dog has “Big Feelings" and why some dogs are more likely than others to react with anxiety, fearfulness, reactivity, or even over-excitement. Today, let’s talk about the best approaches—our top dos and don’ts—that can help your Big Feelings dog.
Whether you’re dealing with excitement, fear-based behaviors, or just want to help your dog feel safer, these tips will help build trust, confidence, and a more peaceful life together.
The Dos: Supportive Practices for Big Feelings Dogs
When your dog is struggling with Big Feelings, using compassionate, positive practices can make a world of difference. Let’s dive into a things you can do to help your dog feel safer and more confident in this wild, chaotic world.
1. Do: Create Space Between Your Dog and the Trigger
If your dog has a fearful or reactive response to certain triggers (like other dogs, unfamiliar people, or loud sounds), increasing the physical distance between them and the trigger is one of the most effective strategies.
Tip: Create more space than you think is necessary! Even if it feels like you’re moving “too far,” many dogs need a substantial amount of space to feel comfortable. Cross the street, change directions, or find a spot to pause and let the trigger pass. Not only does this prevent your dog from feeling overwhelmed, but it also shows them that you’re willing to respect their comfort levels. Over time, this trust will help them manage their reactions better.
2. Do: Use Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is absolutely essential for all dogs, but especially for a dog with Big Feelings. By rewarding your dog with treats, toys, and praise, you help them associate potentially scary situations with positive outcomes. For example, if your dog barks or lunges at passing dogs, try rewarding them with a tasty treat (or twenty!) every time they see another dog. Ideally you’ll do this at a nice, safe distance (using the tip from #1) but you can give your dog treats even if they’re reacting. Over time, and with lots of practice, they’ll start to see other dogs as something that predicts good things.
3. Do: Let Your Dog Sleep Where They Feel Safe
When it comes to Big Feelings, being over-tired or uncomfortable can exacerbate those emotions. We can help encourage rest and relaxation by giving our dogs multiple safe, comfy spots to sleep. Some dogs prefer to sleep on your bed, while others feel most secure in a cozy crate or their own bed. By giving them options and allowing them to choose, you give your dog a sense of control over their environment, which can reduce overall stress. And yes, it’s okay to let your dog sleep on your bed.
Tip: Give your dog access to multiple resting places around the house. Not only does this provide physical comfort, but it also promotes confidence and autonomy. A confident dog is a dog who feels safe!
4. Do: Use Management Techniques to Keep Everyone Safe
Management isn’t just about keeping your dog safe—it’s also about protecting the people, animals, and environment around them. Using tools like baby gates, leashes, and barriers in public settings or at home can prevent situations that may lead to Big Feelings moments.
And in addition to keeping everyone physically safe, management helps your dog feel safe and prevents them from practicing the behaviors that you hope to change.
Examples of management tools: Baby gates, long leads, crate training, and even covered windows (to block triggers like passing cars or people) are all great tools to help manage your dog’s environment.
5. Do: Comfort Your Dog!
There’s a harmful and pervasive myth that comforting a fearful dog “reinforces” their fear. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Dogs, like humans, benefit from comfort when they’re scared, anxious, or overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to offer reassurance when your dog seems upset. This can be as simple as talking to them, petting them, or even holding them close if they’re comfortable with it. So go ahead and comfort your Big Feelings Dog!
The Don’ts: What to Avoid with Big Feelings Dogs
When working with a dog who experiences Big Feelings, it’s just as important to know what not to do. These common mistakes can actually make their emotions or negative associations worse and strain your relationship.
How do we know? These are mistakes that we wish we hadn’t made in our own training journeys. We saw that fallout from these mistakes firsthand and want to help other folks avoid the mistakes that we made!
1. Don’t Punish Your Dog—Especially During a Big Feelings Moment
Punishment can include actions like yelling, using spray bottles, slip leads, prong collars, or even giving stern reprimands. During a Big Feelings moment (aka a reaction), your dog is already overwhelmed, and adding punishment on top can cause them to feel even more anxious, fearful, or reactive.
Why it backfires: Punishment only suppresses the behavior temporarily. It doesn’t address the root of their feelings, and in many cases, it can create a cycle of fear and distrust. Instead, focus on redirecting their energy, distracting them with a treat party, or creating more space to help them feel safe.
2. Don’t Take Away Their Choice to Escape a Situation
When a dog is faced with a trigger that causes a Big Feelings reaction, it’s essential to let them choose whether to move away. Restricting their ability to escape, whether by holding them back or blocking their path, can intensify their reaction.
Why it matters: Just like us, dogs need to feel that they have some control over their environment. When we restrict their options, we risk amplifying their feelings of anxiety or fear. If your dog wants to leave a situation, respect their choice and give them the space they need to feel safe.
3. Don’t Expose Them Repeatedly to Situations They Find Uncomfortable
A common misconception is that dogs “just need to get used to it” when faced with something that scares them. But repeated exposure to a trigger can actually worsen your dog’s reactions, especially if they don’t have the tools to handle it.
The problem with forced exposure: When we repeatedly expose dogs to things they find scary, they may become more reactive over time. Instead, consider gradually desensitizing them to their triggers with careful planning and professional guidance if necessary.
4. Don’t Let People Convince You Your Dog is “Dramatic” or “Stubborn”
We often hear people say that dogs are being “dramatic” or “stubborn,” implying that they’re purposely making things difficult. However, these are human constructs that simply do not apply to our dogs. They’re not “acting out” to frustrate us or be spiteful.
Why labels are harmful: Labels like “dramatic” or “stubborn” can make us feel less empathetic and less willing to help our dogs. The truth is, dogs don’t have control over their Big Feelings; they’re responding to a perceived threat. Reframing their behaviors in a compassionate light will help both of you work through these challenges together.
Understanding what to do (and what not to do) is the foundation of building a safe, supportive environment for your Big Feelings dog. By creating space, using positive reinforcement, respecting their need for comfort, and avoiding punishment and other harmful practices, you’re setting up both of you for a more harmonious life together.
Want to learn more, now that you know the dos and don’ts of helping a Big Feelings dog? Download our free Big Feelings Dog Checklist to get ideas for practical, low-key tools you can use to help your dog feel safer and more at ease.
